Amber Portwood physically assaulted her fiance Gary Shirley on last night's episode of docu-drama "Teen Mom." Cameras rolled as Amber screamed obscenities and repeatedly slapped Gary's face. Gary refused to retaliate, even as Amber threatened to throw him down the stairs. Amber then punched Gary in the face with a closed fist, causing Gary's head to collide audibly with the wall. As Gary fled the ugly scene down the stairs, Amber kicked him in the back.
Amber's loss of control came hot on the heels of Gary suggesting that Amber was an unfit mother to their toddler daughter, Leah. In a previous incident, Gary confronted Amber about her neglectful parenting. Gary had come home to find baby Leah screaming in her crib, which hadn't had a new crib sheet in days, while Amber relaxed on the couch in another room. Gary suggested that if things didn't change, he would be forced to call Child Protective Services. Amber became enraged, verbally berated Gary in words not fit to print, and then threw him out of the house. Gary took Leah with him, insisting that they would both be gone "forever." When Gary returned later to collect some of his belongings, Amber assaulted him.
MTV responded to these abusive acts by airing three public service announcement-type placards throughout the show ("If you or someone you know has been a victim of domestic violence..."). The network also posted an interview with Amber and Gary on MTV.com, entitled "Amber and Gary Discuss Their Abusive Relationship." You can watch the video here. The video could easily be re-titled "Amber and Gary Continue Their Abusive Relationship." The video shows a subdued, almost zombie-like Amber suggesting that in some instances she doesn't even remember attacking Gary. When Gary speaks up about how he would like to be treated, Amber immediately loses her temper and interrupts him to snap, "Don't be rude, Gary," before suggesting that he is the problem.
The video is accompanied by a short essay by Katie Ray-Jones, a domestic violence expert. She describes the interaction this way:
"She constantly interrupts him during the interview and dismisses his feelings. In abusive relationships, it is common for the abusive person to blame the victim for the abuser's actions."
I had a law professor who encouraged us to analyze legal situations by "going toward the ambiguity." In this situation, I struggle to find any ambiguity with regard to Amber's behavior toward Gary. Amber's physical and verbal abuse of Gary is egregious and it is documented by live footage. Gary needs to free himself from this relationship.
Ambiguity starts to creep in with regard to Leah. Has Amber physically abused Leah? If she has, MTV's cameras haven't caught it. Is it only a matter of time until she does hurt her daughter? I really don't know. Maybe an expert in domestic violence could attest to the mentality of an abuser. Is it a "once an abuser, always an abuser" situation or can the anger and violence be directed at only one person? Even if Amber would never lay a hand on Leah, what are the effects of Leah witnessing Amber's violent outbursts against Gary? Does Amber's filthy apartment and habitual refusal to interact with her own daughter rise to the level of abusive neglect?
Taking as a given that Amber is abusing Leah, either through domestic violence or neglect, what's next for Leah? She should be taken away from her mom to somewhere safe, but for how long? Until her mom can "get better?" What if that never happens? And what's next for Amber?
Domestic violence is wrong, no matter the genders of the perpetrator and the victim, but we can't help looking at a female abuser slightly differently. If I had just watched a video of a man punching a woman in the face, my first reaction would be, "He needs to be locked up." Watching a woman punch a man, I thought, "She needs help." My first assumption was that Amber's violent ways could only be the result of a chemical imbalance in her brain. "She's really hurting and feels trapped," I thought. "Fix her meds, get her some help, and she'll stop." Later, I questioned my own reaction. Maybe Amber is just a bully. She isn't a frail little girl, taking out her frustrations by feebly punching a pillow on the couch. She's a grown woman. She's training in mixed martial arts, learning to more effectively hurt people with her hands and feet. She isn't punching a pillow, she's punching the face of another human being.
I'm glad MTV chose to air the Public Service Announcements and to post the response from a domestic violence expert, but I think the abuse has gone too far. "Teen Mom" began as a show documenting the real-life hardships of teen mothers attempting to balance school, family, jobs, and a child. Season One showed the moms waking up in the middle of the night to change diapers and attempting to attend online classes with babies in their laps. Season Two has spun out of control. The day-to-day moments that made Season One realistic and winning have been eclipsed by a focus on never-ending relationship drama and by highlighting the abuse between Amber and Gary.
I hope "Teen Mom" is renewed for a third season, but without Amber. I don't see how MTV can continue to pay her and to profit from her abusive ways.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Monday, September 27, 2010
8 Things and Counting That Surprised Me About TLC's "Sister Wives"
TLC's new reality series "Sister Wives" premiered last night. It follows fundamentalist Mormon father Kody Brown, his three wives, and their thirteen children in their daily lives in Lehi, Utah. Here are the things that surprised me about the show.
1. Kody is a frenetic, fun-loving surfer dude. Where is the ancient, taciturn, and unyielding polygamist patriarch I expected? Did he refuse to film, so central casting sent this guy instead? I can't decide if Kody's goofy, teenager-trapped-in-an-adult's body persona -- particularly his lion's mane of hair -- is more or less creepy than what I expected.
2. Most of the wives work outside the home. I didn't expect the wives to pursue careers or education beyond the domestic setting, but Meri, the first wife, works and is studying for a degree in psychology while Janelle, the second wife, has an unspecified office job. Janelle openly admits that she prefers her career to housework, so she is happy that the third wife, Christine, is so willing to cook and clean. Janelle even says, "This way I can go out to the movies or do what I want." Paradoxically, it sounds like Janelle has more freedom than many mothers, thanks to the live-in child care provided by her sister wife.
3. They aren't farmers. I really had no idea that any polygamist families lived suburban lifestyles. Kody drives a nice car and works in advertising. The whole family lives in one spacious home loosely divided into separate living areas for each wife and her children.
4. Kody wasn't brought up as a polygamist, but most of the women were. Kody didn't convert to Fundamentalist Mormonism until he was a young adult, right before he married Meri, his first wife, who was brought up in the religion and always expected to be part of a plural marriage. Janelle, the second wife, grew up with polygamist family friends and didn't find the idea of joining an existing marriage "a shock." Christine, the third wife, came from a polygamist background and always wanted to be part of a plural marriage. "Huh," I said to my (only) husband during a commercial. "I thought the polygamist man would have to convince the women to join his lifestyle. This way it kind of takes the challenge out of it."
5. The women talk about marriage order the way other people talk about birth order in siblings. Christine tells the camera that she always wanted to be a third wife. She knew she didn't want to be a first wife because she didn't "want to be married to a man without anyone else." She didn't want to be a second wife, because the second wife tends to be a "wedge." She continues, "but they say if you are having trouble in your marriage to two women, marry a third and she'll fix it." She nods and smiles proudly.
6. The wives go on lots of one-on-one dates with their husband. Kody interviews that he makes time for each wife individually, so most evenings he goes out with one of his wives on a date. That sounds to me like each wife is getting around two date nights a week, while the other sister-wives look after the children. I know plenty of wives and mothers who would love that many date nights. Again, the built-in child care obviously has some benefits.
7. The wives admit to feeling jealous. I thought that the women would present an unflinching, united front in favor of their lifestyle. It was surprising to hear Meri admit that she struggles with feelings of jealousy that she hopes to one day overcome. Christine also seemed hurt by Kody's announcement that a fourth wife may be brought into the mix. Like a youngest child finding out there is another baby on the way, she seemed to wonder, "What's wrong with me? Why aren't I enough?"
8. The family doesn't seem to be taking any action to avoid prosecution. The family members use their real names and show their faces. They may think that they are safe from the arm of the law because only the marriage between Kody and Meri is "legal." The other two marriages are religious only. It's not a crime to be married to one woman and to have relationships with other women, they would probably argue. Unforunately for them, some sources say otherwise. I am surprised that the family didn't take more precautions before agreeing to discuss their family on national television. I am sure the sister-wives would be devasted if Kody had to go to jail or, worse yet, if Child Protective Services got involved and took some of the children away.
1. Kody is a frenetic, fun-loving surfer dude. Where is the ancient, taciturn, and unyielding polygamist patriarch I expected? Did he refuse to film, so central casting sent this guy instead? I can't decide if Kody's goofy, teenager-trapped-in-an-adult's body persona -- particularly his lion's mane of hair -- is more or less creepy than what I expected.
2. Most of the wives work outside the home. I didn't expect the wives to pursue careers or education beyond the domestic setting, but Meri, the first wife, works and is studying for a degree in psychology while Janelle, the second wife, has an unspecified office job. Janelle openly admits that she prefers her career to housework, so she is happy that the third wife, Christine, is so willing to cook and clean. Janelle even says, "This way I can go out to the movies or do what I want." Paradoxically, it sounds like Janelle has more freedom than many mothers, thanks to the live-in child care provided by her sister wife.
3. They aren't farmers. I really had no idea that any polygamist families lived suburban lifestyles. Kody drives a nice car and works in advertising. The whole family lives in one spacious home loosely divided into separate living areas for each wife and her children.
4. Kody wasn't brought up as a polygamist, but most of the women were. Kody didn't convert to Fundamentalist Mormonism until he was a young adult, right before he married Meri, his first wife, who was brought up in the religion and always expected to be part of a plural marriage. Janelle, the second wife, grew up with polygamist family friends and didn't find the idea of joining an existing marriage "a shock." Christine, the third wife, came from a polygamist background and always wanted to be part of a plural marriage. "Huh," I said to my (only) husband during a commercial. "I thought the polygamist man would have to convince the women to join his lifestyle. This way it kind of takes the challenge out of it."
5. The women talk about marriage order the way other people talk about birth order in siblings. Christine tells the camera that she always wanted to be a third wife. She knew she didn't want to be a first wife because she didn't "want to be married to a man without anyone else." She didn't want to be a second wife, because the second wife tends to be a "wedge." She continues, "but they say if you are having trouble in your marriage to two women, marry a third and she'll fix it." She nods and smiles proudly.
6. The wives go on lots of one-on-one dates with their husband. Kody interviews that he makes time for each wife individually, so most evenings he goes out with one of his wives on a date. That sounds to me like each wife is getting around two date nights a week, while the other sister-wives look after the children. I know plenty of wives and mothers who would love that many date nights. Again, the built-in child care obviously has some benefits.
7. The wives admit to feeling jealous. I thought that the women would present an unflinching, united front in favor of their lifestyle. It was surprising to hear Meri admit that she struggles with feelings of jealousy that she hopes to one day overcome. Christine also seemed hurt by Kody's announcement that a fourth wife may be brought into the mix. Like a youngest child finding out there is another baby on the way, she seemed to wonder, "What's wrong with me? Why aren't I enough?"
8. The family doesn't seem to be taking any action to avoid prosecution. The family members use their real names and show their faces. They may think that they are safe from the arm of the law because only the marriage between Kody and Meri is "legal." The other two marriages are religious only. It's not a crime to be married to one woman and to have relationships with other women, they would probably argue. Unforunately for them, some sources say otherwise. I am surprised that the family didn't take more precautions before agreeing to discuss their family on national television. I am sure the sister-wives would be devasted if Kody had to go to jail or, worse yet, if Child Protective Services got involved and took some of the children away.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Kid Sister Movie Reviews: Movie Round-Up
Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole
The high-flying story follows a young owl, Soren, who dreams of his father's epic stories of the legend of the guardians of Ga'Hoole to protect all Owl Kingdoms from being slaves to the evil Pure Ones. After being taken captive by the Pure Ones, it's up to Soren and his friends to find the Great Tree, home of the guardians- Soren's only hope to defeat the Pure Ones. On his way to finding the legend, he will become one.
Grade: B+.
The Nutcracker in 3D
From the imagination of acclaimed Russians director Andrei Konchalovsky and story/music by composer Piotr Tchaikovsky, they brought the most beloved Christmas story of all time -- the Nutcracker for the time ever in 3D. In a whole different version of the story unlike classical Christmas stories, follows a young prince, "NC" whose kingdom had been overthrown by the evil Rat King and his army, a curse casted upon him and was banished from his world forever. Meanwhile, in human world during Christmas Eve night, a nine year old girl, Marie whose uncle Albert brought his gift, NC to Marie. Suddenly Marie's life is about to change when NC comes to life and asks Marie to join his quest to reclaim his kingdom and put an end this dreaded curse. But when NC was captured by the Rat King, it's up to courageous Marie and her friends to defeat Rat King, save NC and the kingdom.
Grade: A-.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
After wizarding world of Ministy of Magic and Hogwarts being terrorized by Death Eaters and Lord Voldermolt, Harry and his friends are on their mission to find Horcuxes to finish Dumbledore's work before Voldermolt determinds to kill Harry. As Harry uncovers the legendary tale of Deathly Hallows, he has to prepare to face the greatest task since during his 1st year at Hogwarts: The final showdown with Voldermolt.
Grade: A-.
Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Narnia has called the Pevensies once again to reclaim their destiny. Accomplained by Prince Caspian and the majestic lion, Aslan, they journeyed on a voyage of Dawn Treader on a mission to find seven lords, who had been banished by Prince Caspian's evil uncle, Miraz.
Grade: B+.
The high-flying story follows a young owl, Soren, who dreams of his father's epic stories of the legend of the guardians of Ga'Hoole to protect all Owl Kingdoms from being slaves to the evil Pure Ones. After being taken captive by the Pure Ones, it's up to Soren and his friends to find the Great Tree, home of the guardians- Soren's only hope to defeat the Pure Ones. On his way to finding the legend, he will become one.
Grade: B+.
The Nutcracker in 3D
From the imagination of acclaimed Russians director Andrei Konchalovsky and story/music by composer Piotr Tchaikovsky, they brought the most beloved Christmas story of all time -- the Nutcracker for the time ever in 3D. In a whole different version of the story unlike classical Christmas stories, follows a young prince, "NC" whose kingdom had been overthrown by the evil Rat King and his army, a curse casted upon him and was banished from his world forever. Meanwhile, in human world during Christmas Eve night, a nine year old girl, Marie whose uncle Albert brought his gift, NC to Marie. Suddenly Marie's life is about to change when NC comes to life and asks Marie to join his quest to reclaim his kingdom and put an end this dreaded curse. But when NC was captured by the Rat King, it's up to courageous Marie and her friends to defeat Rat King, save NC and the kingdom.
Grade: A-.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
After wizarding world of Ministy of Magic and Hogwarts being terrorized by Death Eaters and Lord Voldermolt, Harry and his friends are on their mission to find Horcuxes to finish Dumbledore's work before Voldermolt determinds to kill Harry. As Harry uncovers the legendary tale of Deathly Hallows, he has to prepare to face the greatest task since during his 1st year at Hogwarts: The final showdown with Voldermolt.
Grade: A-.
Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
Narnia has called the Pevensies once again to reclaim their destiny. Accomplained by Prince Caspian and the majestic lion, Aslan, they journeyed on a voyage of Dawn Treader on a mission to find seven lords, who had been banished by Prince Caspian's evil uncle, Miraz.
Grade: B+.
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Schadenfreude Project: Jobs That Have Rejected Me, Part 1
The Schadenfreude Project
I am an unemployed recent law school graduate. I would like to embarrass myself by sharing with you the many jobs I have recently applied to:
1. Starbucks barista
I thought to myself, "Hey, I'm allergic to coffee, milk, and chocolate, I'd better start whipping up some mochas," so I applied for a job at a Starbucks within walking distance. Never heard back.
2. Starbucks shift manager
Why not? I have a JD. I can probably manage a team of high school kids, right? Wrong. Never heard back.
3. Starbucks barista at a different location
I decided to cast a wider net so I applied to the Starbucks a short drive from my place. I thought my chances were better at this one, because I have a connection. My aunt is kind of a big deal at this Starbucks. When I used to go through the drive through lane for my tall decaff soy latte no whip (before I realized that there is no point to this dairy-less, caffeine-free, anemic beverage), I was regularly asked, "Are you Susan's niece?!" I guess even my networking with famous family members didn't pay off. Never heard back.
4. Starbucks shift manager at a different location
Again, why not? Plus, I'm Susan's niece!
5. Petite catalog model
6. Textbook editor
I thought that my prior experience editing and proofreading textbooks might qualify me to edit and proofread textbooks. Never heard back.
7. SAT tutor
Seriously, guys. I have been a teacher and a tutor before. I did OK on the SAT. Guys? Guys? Never heard back.
8. Focus group member
I can focus! I would like $75 for talking about the economy for an hour -- but I guess my thoughts aren't worth that much. Poorly punctuated and randomly cApitaLized Craig's List posting, you let me down. Never heard back.
Please feel free to comment below with your own embarrassing job application stories. You can even post anonymously.
(Starbucks logo reproduced without permission.)
Please feel free to comment below with your own embarrassing job application stories. You can even post anonymously.
(Starbucks logo reproduced without permission.)
Friday, September 17, 2010
Flood
My parents' home flooded in the week after Labor Day. Luckily, my little sister was visiting and awoke in the wee hours to water seeping into the house's lower level. I say luckily, not for my poor sister's sake, but because she was able to alert my parents, who might not have discovered the situation until the morning.My mom doesn't take natural disasters lying down -- not in her house! So she and my sister waded out into the front yard, to try to build a bulwark against the raging water using anything they could get their hands on: stones from the landscaping, a plastic tarp left behind by some painters, and a kitty tower.
The following exchange occurred on that dark, rainy night:
Mom: Whoa! The water is up to my knees! I'm not going any closer. You do it.
Sister: Why me?
Mom: Because you have your bathing suit on!
Mom: THESE ARE MY RUNNING CLOTHES! You thought I brought my bathing suit on this trip?
Sister: YES! I thought you put it on for the flood!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Is MTV complicit in the abusive relationships it documents?
I love MTV, especially its reality programming. Shows like "True Life" and "Teen Mom" provide fascinating glimpses into varied American lifestyles. I cried my eyes out this Tuesday during "Teen Mom" when young parents Caitlynn and Tyler called their daughter, for whom they chose adoption, on her first birthday and heard her playing in the background. It was heartbreaking. It was honest. And it was beautiful. It was all the stuff that great reality tv show moments are made of.
Lately, though, I've noticed a disturbing trend in some of my favorite MTV reality shows.
Remember the "slap heard 'round the world?" It was 1998 and Real World: Seattle cast mate Stephen slapped his co-star Irene in the face. The incident caused a media firestorm. Questions were raised about the appropriateness of airing the footage. Some suggested that MTV was complicit in the incident by creating an environment that encouraged outrageous behavior. Together the cast mates and production decided that Stephen could remain on the show, provided he agreed to undergo anger management counseling.
Over ten years later, the idea of a single televised slap causing such a response seems quaint. Today Stephen probably wouldn't have to worry about getting kicked off his show -- he might even get a spin-off.
Last week Real World: New Orleans cast member Jemmye punched her pseudo-boyfriend Knight in the face. She PUNCHED him. In the FACE. Jemmye had been pushed to her limits by weeks of misogynistic and -- in my opinion -- abusive vitriol from Knight. Neither the punch nor the constant verbal abuse elicited a reaction from MTV's production staff.
On season one of MTV's documentary series "Teen Mom," Amber Portwood choked, shoved, and slapped her fiance Gary Shirley during a heated argument in front of their infant daughter. The incident was correctly labeled as domestic violence by Dr. Drew Pinsky during the season one reunion. Amber was then re-hired for a second season of the show. She continues to be paid by MTV and each week her anger at her fiance and child appears to mount. So far on season two, Amber has menaced Gary with a closed fist and suggested that she will begin disciplining their now two-year-old daughter by slapping her hands.
"Teen Mom" seems to have glossed over numerous assaults on cast member Farrah Abraham by her own mom, Debra. Even though Debra struck Farrah in the face during an argument on "Sixteen and Pregnant," the predecessor show to "Teen Mom," Debra was asked back and has now appeared on two seasons of "Teen Mom." She is undoubtedly still receiving appearance fees from MTV. In the hiatus between filming the two seasons of "Teen Mom," Debra attacked Farrah again, this time splitting her lip. The police were called to the scene and Debra menaced the police officer with knives.
How are Amber and Debra still paid to be on tv? Why didn't Dr. Drew confront Debra about her violence on the season one reunion? Is it enough to slap a public service announcement at the end of an episode (as was the case with Snooki's punch) while still using the act of violence as a featured part of the show (again: Snooki's punch)? At what point does MTV become complicit in the abusive relationships it documents?
Lately, though, I've noticed a disturbing trend in some of my favorite MTV reality shows.
Remember the "slap heard 'round the world?" It was 1998 and Real World: Seattle cast mate Stephen slapped his co-star Irene in the face. The incident caused a media firestorm. Questions were raised about the appropriateness of airing the footage. Some suggested that MTV was complicit in the incident by creating an environment that encouraged outrageous behavior. Together the cast mates and production decided that Stephen could remain on the show, provided he agreed to undergo anger management counseling.
Over ten years later, the idea of a single televised slap causing such a response seems quaint. Today Stephen probably wouldn't have to worry about getting kicked off his show -- he might even get a spin-off.
Last week Real World: New Orleans cast member Jemmye punched her pseudo-boyfriend Knight in the face. She PUNCHED him. In the FACE. Jemmye had been pushed to her limits by weeks of misogynistic and -- in my opinion -- abusive vitriol from Knight. Neither the punch nor the constant verbal abuse elicited a reaction from MTV's production staff.
On season one of MTV's documentary series "Teen Mom," Amber Portwood choked, shoved, and slapped her fiance Gary Shirley during a heated argument in front of their infant daughter. The incident was correctly labeled as domestic violence by Dr. Drew Pinsky during the season one reunion. Amber was then re-hired for a second season of the show. She continues to be paid by MTV and each week her anger at her fiance and child appears to mount. So far on season two, Amber has menaced Gary with a closed fist and suggested that she will begin disciplining their now two-year-old daughter by slapping her hands.
"Teen Mom" seems to have glossed over numerous assaults on cast member Farrah Abraham by her own mom, Debra. Even though Debra struck Farrah in the face during an argument on "Sixteen and Pregnant," the predecessor show to "Teen Mom," Debra was asked back and has now appeared on two seasons of "Teen Mom." She is undoubtedly still receiving appearance fees from MTV. In the hiatus between filming the two seasons of "Teen Mom," Debra attacked Farrah again, this time splitting her lip. The police were called to the scene and Debra menaced the police officer with knives.
How are Amber and Debra still paid to be on tv? Why didn't Dr. Drew confront Debra about her violence on the season one reunion? Is it enough to slap a public service announcement at the end of an episode (as was the case with Snooki's punch) while still using the act of violence as a featured part of the show (again: Snooki's punch)? At what point does MTV become complicit in the abusive relationships it documents?