The Schadenfreude Project
I am an unemployed recent law school graduate. I would like to embarrass myself by sharing with you the many jobs I have recently applied to:
1. Starbucks barista
I thought to myself, "Hey, I'm allergic to coffee, milk, and chocolate, I'd better start whipping up some mochas," so I applied for a job at a Starbucks within walking distance. Never heard back.
2. Starbucks shift manager
Why not? I have a JD. I can probably manage a team of high school kids, right? Wrong. Never heard back.
3. Starbucks barista at a different location
I decided to cast a wider net so I applied to the Starbucks a short drive from my place. I thought my chances were better at this one, because I have a connection. My aunt is kind of a big deal at this Starbucks. When I used to go through the drive through lane for my tall decaff soy latte no whip (before I realized that there is no point to this dairy-less, caffeine-free, anemic beverage), I was regularly asked, "Are you Susan's niece?!" I guess even my networking with famous family members didn't pay off. Never heard back.
4. Starbucks shift manager at a different location
Again, why not? Plus, I'm Susan's niece!
5. Petite catalog model
6. Textbook editor
I thought that my prior experience editing and proofreading textbooks might qualify me to edit and proofread textbooks. Never heard back.
7. SAT tutor
Seriously, guys. I have been a teacher and a tutor before. I did OK on the SAT. Guys? Guys? Never heard back.
8. Focus group member
I can focus! I would like $75 for talking about the economy for an hour -- but I guess my thoughts aren't worth that much. Poorly punctuated and randomly cApitaLized Craig's List posting, you let me down. Never heard back.
Please feel free to comment below with your own embarrassing job application stories. You can even post anonymously.
(Starbucks logo reproduced without permission.)
Please feel free to comment below with your own embarrassing job application stories. You can even post anonymously.
(Starbucks logo reproduced without permission.)
Hahaha, too funny!
ReplyDeleteI've applied to several retailers, including Kmart. I have yet to hear back.
Today I applied at Toys R Us Express. Shameful.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I'm sure you'll get in soon.
ReplyDelete- Rebecca
Ah yes, this is the kind of job application process I look forward to upon completion of my Ph.D. Woof.
ReplyDeleteLook on the sunny side, at least you have a JD, whereas I am getting a more or less completely useless Political Theory Ph.D. ACADEMIA 4 LYF, Y'ALL!!!
P.S. My participation has been requested in 4 CraigsList scams.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit biased, but I'm not surprised that you didn't hear back from Starbucks, being a barista requires a skill set similar to that of being a bartender, minus the alcohol. SB usually wants at least a year of experience as a barista elsewhere, even then, they can be tough. (I interviewed here for them but they didn't believe my lie about loving 4 am, alas.) How you get experience without being hired, I'll never know.
ReplyDeleteNever bother with bad capitalizers on Craigslist, or even worse, ALL CAPS POSTERS! THEY POST THEIR ADS IN ALL CAPS BECAUSE THE BOSS SHOUTS ALL THE TIME AND/OR THE JOB SUCKS AND THIS IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET YOUR ATTENTION. LITTLE DO THEY REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS TO READ LARGE CHUNKS OF ALL CAPS, WHICH WILL LEAD THEM TO FEWER APPLICANTS.
This is so funny. :)
ReplyDeleteErin, I was rejected by Starbucks, too. Damm them. Schadenfreude tip: avoid Barnes & Noble. Even though you have an advanced degree, sources tell me they prefer master's or Ph.D candidates in literature, the arts, etc. For an $8 an hour job.
-Ashley C. Woods