In my last two posts about TLC's new docu-drama "Sister Wives," I tried to remain neutral. It's not for me to say if the polygamist lifestyle is right or wrong, so my other recaps focused on what surprised me about each episode.
Well, I can't do it anymore. My disgust with the show keeps growing each week and I have to let it out. The polygamy has little or nothing to do with my disgust. I don't hate polygamists. I hate this polygamist.
Kody.
Even typing his name makes me mad.
This week we watched as Kody's third wife Christine went into labor and delivered her baby. This baby was her sixth (I think) and Kody's thirteenth. Because of Christine's age of 37, she chose to have her baby in the hospital, rather than as a home birth like all of her other deliveries.
Christine was beaming throughout the episode. Maybe she was just excited about her baby, but I couldn't help but think that she loved the attention. For the brief time that she was in the hospital, Christine almost had a monogamous relationship with Kody. He (mostly) stayed by her side and was (sort of) attentive to her needs. He only left Christine in the hospital once to visit and kiss his girlfriend Robyn and he only asked Christine's doctor about in vitro procedures to get his other wife, Meri, pregnant once while Christine was in labor. That was pretty good for Kody -- I give him a B+. Hours after the baby was born, twenty family members tromped into the hospital and everyone, right on down to the little kids, got to hold the baby. I'm not a doctor, but I was cringing thinking of all the germs.
Other noteworthy moments in this episode:
1. Kody leaves Christine at the hospital so he can "go home and change." He changes out of a blue shirt and khakis into a different blue shirt and jeans.
2. During Christine's labor, Kody asks Christine's doctor about in vitro fertilization procedures. The doctor, confused, glances at Christine.
"No, not for her," Kody clarifies. "For my other wife. Because she only has one."
"One ovary?" the doctor asks.
Kody laughs callously. "No! One kid! I'm in the kid business, man!"
3. In an interview, Robyn explains why polygamists usually have home births. "The hospitals want, like, all this information," she says resentfully.
Janelle chimes in, "And if the dad goes to jail, that's a bad thing."
Can't say that I agree with you there, Janelle.
4. Christine is amazed and delighted by the epidural she is administered in the hospital. All of her other births were at home, no epidurals in sight. I know women choose to have natural births for any number of principled reasons, but I can't imagine enduring the pain of labor without even the option of an epidural. But you know hospitals these days, they want, like, all this information....
5. While Robyn watches the kids at home during the birth, the kids play dolls. They have four Barbie dolls, one for each wife, and one Ken doll, Kody. The children move the Ken doll around the doll house, having him say "good morning" to each wife, then push the plastic faces together in a kiss. This scene is strange on so many levels, but at its most basic, when you guys played with dolls, did you ever name them after your parents and act out your daily lives? I didn't...
6. When Janelle holds Christine's baby for the first time, she expresses how happy she is to have another baby in the family, without Janelle having to go through the work of a pregnancy. Janelle is all about letting other people do the work! Hopefully the new baby won't interfere with her busy movie watching schedule.
7. Kody was surprisingly frank about the quality of education at the local polygamist school, though he struggled to define the school itself. He labored, "it's a.....organization....of home school...." (sweat starts to bead up on his brow, his eyes light up as he hits on a word he likes) "coalition!" (long pause as the wheels continue to turn, finally something bursts out of him) "It's not accredited! Most people have to get GEDs!"
It's not accredited? And if you graduate from this program you still need a GED? How is it even a school? It sounds like daycare for teenagers. Or jail. Actually, I bet you can get a GED in jail.
8. Kody's bizarre attitude toward women was on display in this episode. When his teenage daughter, Mariah, approaches Kody about her plan to someday join the military, a visibly uncomfortable Kody squirms and says, "I'm...very pleased with you, heh heh heh, I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant."
That statement blows my mind. It sounds like he has given up on the possibility of playing an active parental role. His responsible daughter is obviously a stranger to him if his guess about her news could be so off base. Also, I gathered from the scenes of the family praying together in the living room that the parents are trying to raise the kids with conservative Christian values. My parents raised me with similar values. When I was a teen, if I had sat my dad down to tell him that I wanted to apply to college and then he told me, "Phew! I thought you were pregnant," I would have been devastated. What a slap in the face.
9. Over a romantic, 20th-anniversary dinner, Meri brings up her jealously issues. She asks Kody how he would feel if she were lavishing attention on a new husband, the way he is lavishing attention on future wife Robyn. Koby replies, "The vulgarity of the idea of you with two husbands sickens me." When Meri pushes him with more questions, he says, "I feel like you're asking me to admit that what I'm doing is completely unfair."
I will let those statements speak for themselves.
10. Over a romantic, 20th-anniversary trip to Mexico (how? how do they afford these things?!), Kody brings up the possibility of in vitro fertilization to Meri, who shuts him down. Later, in a weepy interview, Meri admits that she would love another baby, if that baby were to come naturally, but she is opposed to the idea of in vitro fertilization. Kody, sitting beside Meri on the couch while she cries, tells the camera, "I haven't been told no in a strong enough fashion to believe it really means no yet."
Thank goodness next week is the finale. I don't know how much more I can take.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
More Surprises on TLC's Sister Wives
Sunday night's back-to-back episodes of TLC's documentary series "Sister Wives" brought even more surprises.
1. Kody met Robyn at a party -- and Meri introduced them. I had been wondering about how Kody could have met and begun a flirtation with Robyn. When is Kody acting as a single, available man? He must have met Robyn at work, right? My heart gave a small, painful lurch in my chest when Meri monotoned about the party where they met. An even bigger lurch accompanied Meri's description of how she could tell that Kody was attracted to Robyn and so she suggested that they dance. It sounded like a wife's nightmare to me: your husband is out at a party where he flirts and dances with a younger, prettier woman; he leaves intent on beginning a relationship with this woman. While these episodes showed Meri's unselfish side as she encourages and welcomes the relationship with Robyn, it looks like cracks in the facade appear next week.
2. Kody likes children. I guess it's not surprising to learn that a polygamist likes children, but Kody REALLY likes children. Thirteen kids and counting is not enough for Kody! Kody's third wife, Christine is pregnant with a baby girl. She miscarried a year ago and, in an interview with Kody by her side, worries that her age of 37 will compromise the health and safe delivery of her unborn daughter. Kody, unphased by his wife's fears, says that he is glad to hear that the baby on board is a girl -- he knows Christine wants another boy, so he's hoping that she will still have one more child after this one. Miscarriage, tears, fears, and thirteen others notwithstanding, Kody wants more kids.
3. Robyn is looking forward to having three babysitters. Robyn tried to get her three kids in the car so she could take them to the park. The kids did everything but get in the car, including running around the driveway. "I'm going to count to three," said Robyn. The phrase sent chills down my spine. I haven't heard it in a long time, but some things you never forget. If my mom said, "I'm going to count to three," she never even got to "one," before I was doing whatever I was supposed to do. I didn't want to know what happened if she got to "three" -- because I knew that she meant business. Well, Robyn's kids let Robyn count all the way to three while continuing to run amok. Robyn, exasperated, turned to the camera and said, "I'm looking forward to having more help." I'm sympathetic that as a single mom she feels overwhelmed, but there must be an easier way to get help raising your own children, than to marry a man with three wives and thirteen kids of his own. Let's do the math.
1 Robyn / 3 kids = 1/3 of her parenting time for each kid
4 moms / 16 kids = 1/4 of some mom's parenting time for each kid
Maybe there's an economy of scale argument to be made, but I'm not buying it.
4. Robyn may have been in an abusive relationship. In an almost throw-away moment, Robyn, a divorcee, mentions that since she left her husband, she has spent the last few years trying to provide a "safe environment" for her kids. You hear about "safe environments" for kids a lot in family law when domestic abuse is involved. You don't hear it too much at the grocery store or over coffee. I don't think it's a phrase that would just slip out of the lips of someone who left her husband over "irreconcilable differences."
5. Kids are treated as a servant army. Parents love to enlist their kids, don't they? Kody's oldest daugthers got to make a 5-hour drive with their dad to Robyn's hometown so that the daughters could watch Robyn's kids while Kody and Robyn went on a date. Yeah, you read that right. Later, Kody wants to throw a birthday party for Robyn, so once again the oldest daughters are put to work planning and throwing the party. At a planning session, the girls squirm uncomfortably as they talk about how Robyn is young enough to be their sister. Well, Kody, that's what you get for drawing attention to Robyn's age by making your kids throw her a birthday bash.
6. Robyn got a big party while everyone else got -- what, exactly? Robyn's birthday party looked like a fun time, thrown at Kody's sprawling house, with people everywhere (but I guess those were just the kids and the wives? It's hard to tell). I wonder if the other wives get such big birthday parties. What about the kids? It seems like there would have to be many birthdays a month to cover everyone. I'm guessing the big party was a one time event, to make Robyn feel welcome.
Looking forward to more surprises next week....
1. Kody met Robyn at a party -- and Meri introduced them. I had been wondering about how Kody could have met and begun a flirtation with Robyn. When is Kody acting as a single, available man? He must have met Robyn at work, right? My heart gave a small, painful lurch in my chest when Meri monotoned about the party where they met. An even bigger lurch accompanied Meri's description of how she could tell that Kody was attracted to Robyn and so she suggested that they dance. It sounded like a wife's nightmare to me: your husband is out at a party where he flirts and dances with a younger, prettier woman; he leaves intent on beginning a relationship with this woman. While these episodes showed Meri's unselfish side as she encourages and welcomes the relationship with Robyn, it looks like cracks in the facade appear next week.
2. Kody likes children. I guess it's not surprising to learn that a polygamist likes children, but Kody REALLY likes children. Thirteen kids and counting is not enough for Kody! Kody's third wife, Christine is pregnant with a baby girl. She miscarried a year ago and, in an interview with Kody by her side, worries that her age of 37 will compromise the health and safe delivery of her unborn daughter. Kody, unphased by his wife's fears, says that he is glad to hear that the baby on board is a girl -- he knows Christine wants another boy, so he's hoping that she will still have one more child after this one. Miscarriage, tears, fears, and thirteen others notwithstanding, Kody wants more kids.
3. Robyn is looking forward to having three babysitters. Robyn tried to get her three kids in the car so she could take them to the park. The kids did everything but get in the car, including running around the driveway. "I'm going to count to three," said Robyn. The phrase sent chills down my spine. I haven't heard it in a long time, but some things you never forget. If my mom said, "I'm going to count to three," she never even got to "one," before I was doing whatever I was supposed to do. I didn't want to know what happened if she got to "three" -- because I knew that she meant business. Well, Robyn's kids let Robyn count all the way to three while continuing to run amok. Robyn, exasperated, turned to the camera and said, "I'm looking forward to having more help." I'm sympathetic that as a single mom she feels overwhelmed, but there must be an easier way to get help raising your own children, than to marry a man with three wives and thirteen kids of his own. Let's do the math.
1 Robyn / 3 kids = 1/3 of her parenting time for each kid
4 moms / 16 kids = 1/4 of some mom's parenting time for each kid
Maybe there's an economy of scale argument to be made, but I'm not buying it.
4. Robyn may have been in an abusive relationship. In an almost throw-away moment, Robyn, a divorcee, mentions that since she left her husband, she has spent the last few years trying to provide a "safe environment" for her kids. You hear about "safe environments" for kids a lot in family law when domestic abuse is involved. You don't hear it too much at the grocery store or over coffee. I don't think it's a phrase that would just slip out of the lips of someone who left her husband over "irreconcilable differences."
5. Kids are treated as a servant army. Parents love to enlist their kids, don't they? Kody's oldest daugthers got to make a 5-hour drive with their dad to Robyn's hometown so that the daughters could watch Robyn's kids while Kody and Robyn went on a date. Yeah, you read that right. Later, Kody wants to throw a birthday party for Robyn, so once again the oldest daughters are put to work planning and throwing the party. At a planning session, the girls squirm uncomfortably as they talk about how Robyn is young enough to be their sister. Well, Kody, that's what you get for drawing attention to Robyn's age by making your kids throw her a birthday bash.
6. Robyn got a big party while everyone else got -- what, exactly? Robyn's birthday party looked like a fun time, thrown at Kody's sprawling house, with people everywhere (but I guess those were just the kids and the wives? It's hard to tell). I wonder if the other wives get such big birthday parties. What about the kids? It seems like there would have to be many birthdays a month to cover everyone. I'm guessing the big party was a one time event, to make Robyn feel welcome.
Looking forward to more surprises next week....
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