Schadenfreude Project: Jobs That Have Rejected Me, Part 1

The Schadenfreude Project

I am an unemployed recent law school graduate. I would like to embarrass myself by sharing with you the many jobs I have recently applied to:

1. Starbucks barista

I thought to myself, "Hey, I'm allergic to coffee, milk, and chocolate, I'd better start whipping up some mochas," so I applied for a job at a Starbucks within walking distance. Never heard back.

2. Starbucks shift manager

Why not? I have a JD. I can probably manage a team of high school kids, right? Wrong. Never heard back.

3. Starbucks barista at a different location

I decided to cast a wider net so I applied to the Starbucks a short drive from my place. I thought my chances were better at this one, because I have a connection. My aunt is kind of a big deal at this Starbucks. When I used to go through the drive through lane for my tall decaff soy latte no whip (before I realized that there is no point to this dairy-less, caffeine-free, anemic beverage), I was regularly asked, "Are you Susan's niece?!" I guess even my networking with famous family members didn't pay off. Never heard back.

4. Starbucks shift manager at a different location

Again, why not? Plus, I'm Susan's niece!

5. Petite catalog model

I'm petite. I like catalogs -- but I'm not a model, not even in Cleveland (4:44).

6. Textbook editor

I thought that my prior experience editing and proofreading textbooks might qualify me to edit and proofread textbooks. Never heard back.

7. SAT tutor

Seriously, guys. I have been a teacher and a tutor before. I did OK on the SAT. Guys? Guys? Never heard back.

8. Focus group member

I can focus! I would like $75 for talking about the economy for an hour -- but I guess my thoughts aren't worth that much. Poorly punctuated and randomly cApitaLized Craig's List posting, you let me down. Never heard back.



Please feel free to comment below with your own embarrassing job application stories. You can even post anonymously.


(Starbucks logo reproduced without permission.)